Today Post::Three Strikes and Bernanke is OUT!

The "End the Fed" movement appears to be picking up steam… Ron Paul's book is rising on best seller lists and the news is littered with reports covering and debating aspects of the argument.

Although I fully support any effort to put down or at least restrain the Federal Reserve, I've been thinking that a smaller, more symbolic move might also be a step in the right direction.

I call it "Three Strikes and Bernanke is OUT!"

Strike 1. In Mid 2007 Bernanke either completely misses the significance of the housing decline or makes a serious blunder by assuming he and the Fed could bluff their way through the decline by asserting that the subprime implosion and the wider housing troubles were "contained" and economic growth would continue:

May 2007 Bernanke states:

"Given the fundamental factors in place that should support the demand for housing, we believe the effect of the troubles in the subprime sector on the broader housing market will likely be limited,"

From the August 7th 2007 FOMC statement:

"Nevertheless, the economy seems likely to continue to expand at a moderate pace over coming quarters, supported by solid growth in employment and incomes and a robust global economy"

Strike 2. In the fall of 2008 Bernanke along with Treasury Secretary Paulson revert to complete reactionary panic mode making their famous "won't be an economy on Monday" plea to congress while urging on the largest taxpayer funded swindle in history.

Strike 3?… September 15th 2009 Bernanke indicates that the recession is over:

"From a technical perspective, the recession is very likely over at this point,"

With this simple statement Bernanke has made the mother of all bottom calls… the bottom of the great unwind over which he presides and also bears some responsibility for creating and exacerbating.

Not only did he misjudge the role that the Fed's "easy money" policy played in creating the crescendo of our massive credit bubble, Bernanke missed the impact of the resultant decline and deleveraging, he seriously overreacted once there was nowhere else to hide… and now he makes arguably earliest and most significant bottom calls in economic history.

I say "three strikes and you're out"… If the bottom is not in… Bernanke is out.

If we are to have the Federal Reserve (… i.e. a massive central planner) at all, does America not deserve better than an unrealistic chairman who is a three time loser?

Today Post::Two Great Bounces!

The following charts provide a simple comparison between the big stock bounce that occurred in the wake of the DOW crash of 1929 and the bounce we are seeing today in the S&P 500 index.

The method of alignment was simple… take the first definitive up trading day off the bottom of the preceding bear market low and set that as the start of the series… then simply re-base both series to a value of 100 so that they can be compared side-by-side.

The lower bar chart plots the cumulative percentage change since the start of each bounce.

The S&P 500 is up over 47% in a little over 120 trading days… an historically aggressive run with an obvious note of mania to it… and wholly comparable to… yet notably stronger than… the price movement seen in the 1930s-era DOW rally.

At this point for the 30s-era DOW, the bull-run was over as the bear trend resumed in earnest… today though the Bull is seriously on the move… how long will this boom last?

Only time will tell… But for now, let's continue to keep a watchful eye…

Today Post::S&P/Case-Shiller: July 2009

Today's release of the S&P/Case-Shiller (CSI) home price indices for July 2009 showed a continued strong bounce in prices with the Composite-10 index increasing 1.65% on a month-to-month basis.

Again, this is another notable development but it's important to put today's results in perspective before getting too confident that the bottom is in for house prices.

As with last month, today's results showed that metro areas with typically strong seasonality worked to pull up the composite series while many other markets gained modestly leaving only Seattle and Las Vegas as decliners.

It's important to remember that the CSI data is lagged by two months and that the metro markets with strong seasonality (… especially recently) tend to reach their seasonal peak between June and July and then typically decline through the fall reaching a seasonal bottom in February.

Also, although Standard & Poor's publishes a seasonally adjusted series, their seasonal adjustment appears to be underestimating the degree of seasonality that is currently present in many markets (… Boston is a good example).

In any event, as the summer pricing cools the Composite indices will more than likely reflect the aggregate movement of prices declines just a strongly as it has captured the spring-summer bounce.

Also, looking at the 1990s-era comparison charts below its obvious that even after the main downward thrust has been reached, the housing markets have a long tough slog ahead with the ultimate bottom likely many years out…. Or if we are currently experiencing the Japanese model… decades out.

Further, is important to remember that the 90s housing recovery played out against the backdrop of a truly unique period of growth in the wider economy fueled primarily by novel and ubiquitous technological change (cell phones, internet, personal computers, telecommunications, etc).

The 10-city composite index declined 12.77% as compared to July 2008 while the 20-city composite declined 13.30% over the same period.

Topping the list of regional peak decliners were Las Vegas at -54.82%, Phoenix at -53.10%, Miami at -47.57%, Detroit at -44.71% and San Francisco at -40.99%.

Additionally, both of the broad composite indices showed significant declines slumping -31.13% for the 10-city national index and -30.16% for the 20-city national index on a peak comparison basis.

To better visualize today's results use Blytic.com and search for "case shiller".

The following chart (click for larger version) shows the percent change to single family home prices given by the Case-Shiller Indices as compared to each metros respective price peak set between 2005 and 2007.

The following chart (click for larger version) shows the percent change to single family home prices given by the Case-Shiller Indices as on a year-over-year basis.

The following chart (click for larger version) shows the percent change to single family home prices given by the Case-Shiller Indices as on a month-to-month basis.

Additionally, in order to add some historical context to the perspective, I updated my "then and now" CSI charts that compare our current circumstances to the data seen during 90s housing decline.

To create the following annual charts I simply aligned the CSI data from the last month of positive year-over-year gains for both the current decline and the 90s housing bust and plotted the data with side-by-side columns (click for larger version).

What's most interesting about this particular comparison is that it highlights both how young the current housing decline is and clearly shows that the latest bust has surpassed the prior bust in terms of intensity.

The "peak" chart compares the percentage change, comparing monthly CSI values to the peak value seen just prior to the first declining month all the way through the downturn and the full recovery of home prices.

In this way, this chart captures ALL months of the downturn from the peak to trough to peak again.

As you can see the last downturn lasted 97 months (over 8 years) peak to peak including roughly 43 months of annual price declines during the heart of the downturn.

Today Post::Anyone Got $250,000,000 for a House?

SELLER: Adnan Khashoggi
LOCATION: Boulevard Leader, La Bocca, Cannes, France
PRICE: €180,000,005
SIZE: 10,000 square meters, 16 bedrooms
DESCRIPTION: Magnificent Florentine-style villa enjoying a fabulous landscaped parkland of about 11 hectares with winter garden sculptures, waterfalls, water-jets, a superb swimming pool with poolhouse, and breathtaking views of the sea. Personalities from all over the world have enjoyed a stay in the property.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Several days ago, while sitting on the beach soaking up sunshine and sweating out the booze toxins with our visiting friend Suzee! Q., Your Mama received a missive from Madame Mobilé on our portable email machine regarding a lavish estate just outside of Cannes, France that recently hit the market with the butt clenching asking price of €180,000,005. No chickens, Your Mama’s nubbins did not mistakenly add another zero to that number, the estate is actually listed at one hundred eighty million Euros. A quick consultation with and a few flicks of the well worn beads of our beloved and bejeweled abacus reveals that sky high figure converts to a diarrhea inducing $264,528,007.

The approximately 27 acre hillside estate that overlooks the Mediterranean, dubbed La Croix-des-Gardes, is owned by notorious Saudi Arabian arms dealer Adnan Khashoggi. Actually, while Your Mama knows the property was most certainly owned by Mister Khashoggi at one time, it’s a bit unclear to Your Mama whether Mister Khashoggi still owns and maintains the vast estate or if it was sold in the late 1980 or early 1990s when the billionaire had some cash flow problems.

The controversial businessman and shameless publicity seeker–who once touted himself as being the richest man in the world–is (in)famous for his alleged involvements in a slew international scandals and conspiracies. He has cavorted with Muammar al-Qaddafi, was famously accused (and acquitted) of alleged involvement as a key facilitator in the Iran-Contra arms deals and was later accused (and acquitted) of assisting friends Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos loot the Philippines of hundreds of millions of dollars as well as secretly stashing hundreds of millions of dollars worth of paintings that shoe fiend Imelda allegedly swiped from the Metropolitan Museum of Manila. And that’s just the tip of Mister Khashoggi’s international incident iceberg.

At the apex of his fame and wealth in the 1970s and 80s Mister Khashoggi was a big baller with a high flying lifestyle. He reportedly owned a dozen or more posh properties around the world including an 18,000 square foot condo doo-plex condo that sprawled across the 47th and 48th floors at the Olympic Tower in New York City and contained 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, a ballroom, indoor gardens and an indoor swimming pool. Mister Khashoggi also flaunted his riches with at least two jet planes (a DC-8 and a DC-9) as well as a 281-foot boat he called the Nabila which was seized by the Sultan of Brunei in 1987 for non-payment of a $50,000,000 loan. The sick rich Sultan sold the 12-state room, helipad-equipped floating mansion to Donald Trump who in turn sold it in 1991 to Saudi Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud who re-dubbed it the Kingdom 5KR.

Your Mama has no idea when Mister Khashoggi purchased the Florentine style villa surrounded by extensive terraced gardens that surely require a flotilla of minimum wage men to clip, water and mow. According to listing information, the main house includes a reception hall, lounge, library, dining room, winter garden, guest crappers, walk in closets and kitchens, the plural being used in the listing. The main house includes at least six bedrooms. In addition to a study, there are two large suites on the second floor with private poopers that include bee-days for washing the naughty bits and 4 additional bedrooms, each with pooper and bee-day, on the third floor.

The basement is comprised of cellars, a lock-up garage for 6 cars, a staff apartment with living room, kitchen and terlit as well as two additional bedrooms that share a pooper. Other buildings on the property include a 4-bedroom guest pavilion, a 2-bedroom gardener’s accommodation, and another studio flat. Listing information also reveals that underneath the swimming pool, near the “machine room,” is another maid’s bedroom. Oh larhd have mercy someone save Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter iffin we ever had the nerve to attempt to house our imperious house gurl Svetlana in a bedroom located next to a “machine room” and underneath the damn swimming pool. The south of France would surely see a hissy fit involving ear piercing screeching, hair pulling and extensive property destruction.

Anyhoo, oher luxuries for the sprawling estate include an elevator–because people this rich simply do not use the stairs–and security measures include a gate house, an armored door and an alarm system that probably rivals that of Fort Knox. Given Mister Kashoggi’s reputation and access to arms we would not be surprised to hear that he employed snipers to prowl around on the villa’s roof.

Your Mama eagerly waits to hear who, if anyone, buys this property at a time when Russian billionaires and wildly rich Asian potentates have lost vast amounts of their wealth during the latest global economic tail spin. Even still there are many who made billions off the losses of others so surely there are 10 or 12 people out there who still possess the means and desire to purchase this property and spend millions each ear on taxes, maintenance and staffing. We just don’t know who they are.

Today Post::Kudos to Morris Davis..

..for organizing the most stimulating housing/urban conference I have been to in some time.

Today Post::Arthur Nelson, call Irina Telyukova

I saw Irina (UCSD) give a nice paper (joint with Makoto Makajima) on home equity withdrawal at the UW-Atlanta Fed Conference. While not the basic point of the a paper, she found evidence in the Health and Retirement Survey that a little over one percent of elderly households decided to downsize for the sake of downsizing–over the course of a decade,

A few months ago, I posted my skepticism about Arthur Nelson’s claim that boomers will downsize en mass when they age. Irina and Makoto find that the elderly take equity of of their house so they may continue to live in them, We like our houses!

Today Post::New Home Sales: August 2009

Subtitle: Green Shoots Go Limp… Is That All You Got!

Today, the U.S. Census Department released its monthly New Residential Home Sales Report for August showing the fifth, albeit tepid, consecutive monthly increase in sales of newly constructed single family dwellings bringing the seasonally adjusted annual sales pace to 429,000 units or 3.4% below the level seen in August 2008 and remaining 69.11% below the peak level 2005

You would think that the government's historic first-time “homebuyer” welfare payments could trump up a bit more activity but it's looking as if the pool of unwitting suckers is starting to dry up.

Like the "cash for clunkers" ruse, all this scam is doing is pulling forward demand while giving handouts to a lot of buyers who would have been capable of (…and fool enough) buying this year or next anyhow.

The government will more than likely extend this program and maybe even relax its terms but as home prices continue to decline it may soon become clear to both the newly minted "homeowners" and their representatives that this policy was misguided.

For the time being though, you can certainly expect the National Association of Realtors and the home builders to push hard for the extension of this swindle… In good times they rip you off honestly with bloated commissions or junk McMansions… In bad, they underhandedly lean on your representatives for a portion of your pay… it's a classic lose-lose.

In any event, it looks like buying activity is slowing down and I say good riddance!

The following charts show the extent of sales declines seen since 2005 as well as illustrating how the further declines in 2009 are coming on top of the 2006, 2007 and 2008 results (click for larger versions)

It's important to note that although the new home sales data appears to have prompted the traditional media to make many "bottom calls" recently, the evidence for their conclusions were scant.

First, most "bottom callers" have focused too closely on just the new home sales series and its historic bottoms rather than other important indicators that disclose a more complete state of the new home market.

As I have argued recently, the level of inventory and supply and level of completed new homes are still too high for a real sustained bottom for the new home market.

The following chart (click for larger) plots the new home sales (SAAR) series along with the current inventory level (NA) and the level of homes completed (NA) since 1973.

As you can see, although the new home sales series has breached the lowest level in over 30 years, the level of inventory (homes for sale at end of period) still remains higher than past historic bottoms and the level of homes completed remains much higher.

In fact, the level of completed new homes remains near PEAK levels for past housing boom periods… a truly bad sign for pricing going forward.

Look at the following summary of today's report:

National

• The median sales price for a new home declined 11.67% as compared to August 2008.
• New home sales were down 3.4% as compared to August 2008.
• The inventory of new homes for sale declined 36.4% as compared to August 2008.
• The number of months' supply of the new homes has decreased 34.2% as compared to August 2008 and now stands at 7.3 months.

Regional

• In the Northeast, new home sales increased 28.6% as compared to August 2008.
• In the Midwest, new home sales declined 31.9% as compared to August 2008.
• In the South, new home sales declined 11.1% as compared to August 2008.
• In the West, new home sales increased 30.4% as compared to August 2008.

Today Post::Two Great Bounces!

The following charts provide a simple comparison between the big stock bounce that occurred in the wake of the DOW crash of 1929 and the bounce we are seeing today in the S&P 500 index.

The method of alignment was simple… take the first definitive up trading day off the bottom of the preceding bear market low and set that as the start of the series… then simply re-base both series to a value of 100 so that they can be compared side-by-side.

The lower bar chart plots the cumulative percentage change since the start of each bounce.

The S&P 500 is up over 48% in a little over 120 trading days… an historically aggressive run with an obvious note of mania to it… and wholly comparable to… yet notably stronger than… the price movement seen in the 1930s-era DOW rally.

At this point for the 30s-era DOW, the bull-run was over as the bear trend resumed in earnest… today though the Bull is seriously on the move… how long will this boom last?

Only time will tell… But for now, let's continue to keep a watchful eye…

Today Post::The Slow Collapse

As the home buying activity winds down from the typical fervor of the spring and early summer to the doldrums of the fall and then on to the depths of the winter, the course of home prices will play a pivotal role in defining the remainder of our economic decline.

At this point it is safe to say that the consensus opinion now believes that home prices have largely bottomed out… "Yes there may be a bit more down side…", they say, "but the worst is now behind us".

Yet, there are a few not so obvious (… especially to the typically oblivious market participants) factors that will work to undermine this confidence in the coming months.

First, let's consider the effect of the government's first-time "homebuyer" tax handout as it has clearly spurred on sales activity at the lower end.

Boston is one of the better metro markets to observe the effects of the gimmick as it has both a very stratified market of homes running from the low end "mid-century" capes and ranches to ultra high-end properties as well as a willing pool of indulgent "buyers" who are always eager to take advantage of some government freebie so long as it appears that someone else is picking up the tab.

As you can see, while the low and middle tiers experienced easily the most notable "pop" in prices in at least 22 years, prices for homes on the upper-end continued to decline.

So, "organic" prices… i.e. prices not influenced by the government manipulations of tax credits or FHA lending… are continuing to trend down.

Next, consider that while the traditional media is now very aware of the importance of following the S&P/Case-Shiller (CSI) home price data, they have all but completely missed how the positive effects of both unusually strong seasonality in many modestly hit markets as well as diminished declines in the worst hit have contributed to buffeting the CSI.

The best way to visualize each metro markets real seasonally unadjusted trends is to take advantage of the Radar Logic housing price indices (RPX).

Looking again at Boston compared to Cleveland you can see that while both of these markets typically experience strong seasonal action, this year was exceptional.

Again, this extra-seasonal movement is likely the result of buying at the low-end spurred on by the generous government tax handout but NOTICE that Cleveland is giving us a clear indication of where the trend is heading for the fall and winter… down… and likely down below the low set last winter.

Other markets that will feel the pinch of this seasonal down-draft are: Denver, Columbus, Chicago, Charlotte, Milwaukee, Minneapolis and St. Louis.

Next, note that even the worst hit markets where observers feel most confident that prices have bottomed-out are showing signs that the declining trend may continue.

The following charts display the RPX 28 day aggregates for Phoenix, San Diego, San Francisco, Sacramento, Los Angeles, Tampa and Miami.

Notice that they many appear to have topped out with the coming months possibly bringing the continued down trend.

Finally, consider the plight of New York.

Having yet to truly relent under the pressure of the housing decline it's important to note that New York missed the spring bounce entirely and now appears poised for some serious downside action.

In short, real "organic" home prices (i.e. prices from sales not influenced by government scams) are continuing to decline, strong seasonal markets that worked to lift the S&P/Case-Shiller throughout the spring and early summer will now worked to weigh it down, the worst hit markets appear to be resuming a declining trend and New York is clearly on the verge of a significant home price slide.

All of these factors will contribute to changing the consensus opinion going forward.

Today Post::Two Great Bounces!

The following charts provide a simple comparison between the big stock bounce that occurred in the wake of the DOW crash of 1929 and the bounce we are seeing today in the S&P 500 index.

The method of alignment was simple… take the first definitive up trading day off the bottom of the preceding bear market low and set that as the start of the series… then simply re-base both series to a value of 100 so that they can be compared side-by-side.

The lower bar chart plots the cumulative percentage change since the start of each bounce.

The S&P 500 is up over 44% in a little over 120 trading days… an historically aggressive run with an obvious note of mania to it… and wholly comparable to… yet notably stronger than… the price movement seen in the 1930s-era DOW rally.

At this point for the 30s-era DOW, the bull-run was over as the bear trend resumed in earnest… today though the Bull is seriously on the move… how long will this boom last?

Only time will tell… But for now, let's continue to keep a watchful eye…

Today Post::Linda Dano's DIY Penthouse

SELLER: Linda Dano
LOCATION: West End Avenue, New York, NY
PRICE: $1,675,000
SIZE: 1,100 square feet, 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom
DESCRIPTION: …A beautifully appointed living room with bookcases, white Sunbrella covered sofas and a hand-blown glass chandelier opens to the large east-facing terrace where dinner can be served in a romantic gazebo. The large elegant bedroom, with furnishings including a huge antique armoire and and Asian screen behind the bed, faces west and opens to a terrace with views of the Hudson…

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A few weeks ago Your Mama received a breathless email from our ever intrepid researcher B.S. Beaverman who linked us over to a listing for a picayune penthouse on the Upper West Side of New York City labeled “West Side Celebrity Penthouse.” Your Mama and ol‘ B.S. immediately started sifting and sorting through the property records and although we were able to quickly ferret out the building address and apartment number, the name of the owner eluded our snooping. A quick look at the listing photos didn’t reveal much either, but we did notice an Emmy sitting discreetly on top of the armoire in the bedroom. After fruitlessly twisting the prop records around every which way but Sunday in order to flush out the name of the owner, Your Mama and ol‘ B.S. Beaverman reluctantly abandoned our wild goose chase and figured celebrity real estate boy wonder Max Abelson would! eventually figure it out and write about it in his Manhattan Transfers column in the New York Observer.

Then, yesterday, we received an unexpected, lengthy and clandestine communique from someone calling themselves Viva! who generously provided Your Mama with the ownership poop on this “West Side Celebrity Penthouse.” According to Viva! the itty building building topper on West End Avenue is owned by Emmy winning soap legend Linda Dano who has the petite pied a terre on the market with an asking price of $1,675,000.

Miz Dano is probably best known for her 17 long years on the soap story Another World as the glammy and dramatic romance novelist Felicia Gallant, a character based on real life author Jacqueline Susann who penned Valley of the Dolls which was made into a dee-lishushly awful movie starring Sharon Tate who was, we all know, snuffed out by Charles Manson follower Susan Atkins who, coincidentally, died today of brain cancer. Anyhoo, after Another World was given the heave-ho in the mid 1990s, Miz Dano went on to play a character named Dr. Rae Cummings, a character that appeared on All My Children, One Life To Live, Port Charles and General Hospital. Multi-tasking Miz Dano also ! has a long standing passion for fashion and day-core. Not only did she author two books in the 1990s about how to make you and your house look its best (Living Great and Looking Great), she currently has a fashion consultant business and appears on the QVC with her Linda Dano Home Collection. In other words, this is one bizzee ladee.

Once Viva! told us Miz Dano owned the penthouse it took only moments to come up with a couple of secondary printed confirmations in the New York Post. First we turned up a blurb in gossip City Adams’ column from September 2, 2009 which read, “Daytime diva Linda Dano putting her prewar Upper West Side penthouse pied-à-terre, with all its furnishings, up at Sotheby’s.” Then we unsurfaced an April 2009 article in which Miz Dano is interviewed and thoroughly describes her aerie.

Listing information reveals the 17th floor building topper measures a modest 1,100 square feet and contains just 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom. According the the New York Post article, Miz Dano and her late huzband–advertising executive Frank Attardi–purchased the petite penthouse pied a terre in 2002. She claims, “We paid a million to buy it and added at least another couple of million on the update.” If that is true, and we have no reason to disbelieve her, then it would seem at it’s current asking price of $1,6750,000 Miz Dano will lose a substantial wad of money once the penthouse sells.

The renovation of the three room residence was overseen by the late Mister Attardi who added moldings, squared arched doorways and added a fake fireplace. For her part, Miz Dano the DIY-er, did up the day-core herself. She took a black lacquer coffee table and painted it to look like wood, she hot glued silk flowers on some quince branches and she added dirt and pebbles to the pot of a fake spray of orchids. Fake! Guuuurl, Your Mama does not care for orchids. Period. While we mostly applaud Miz Dano’s decorative prowess, we are about to go ballistic and berserk over these fake orchids. We find them trés cliche and all too common in Architectural Digest-y interiors. Please children, just say no to fake flowers. Really. Just think about it for a minute. Fake flowers are like fast food: good in theory, solves the problem of hunger, but kind of makes yo! u queasy (and fat) when you eat it.

Anyhoo, Miz Dano has done up the day-core with an undeniably elegant, black and white exoticism heavy on the zebra skins including a large zebra skin rug splayed out on the floor of the entrance hall that Miz Dano calls “Harvey.” We do think it’s cute Miz Dano named her dead animal pelt rug “Harvey” and we do confess to swooning over a good zebra print, but in truth we’ve always been a bit squeamish about animal skins. We’re not going to get all PETA on Miz Dano’s ass but, would they could, we’re sure they’d be tossing blood all over up in that penthouse.

The furniture in the living room, which is anchored by a a gorgeous seal-colored silk rug, has been upholstered in white Sunbrella fabric. At first we pursed our lips and got all indignant about the Sunbrella fabric but when we thought about it a bit more, it makes perfect sense. Not only will it stand up to the harsh sunshine that streams through the wall of windows, it’s also easy to clean and when you have white sofas and chairs and a couple of long bodied bitches named Linda and Beverly, easy to clean white upholstered furniture is, as Madame Stewart would say, “A good thing.”

The small apartment is wrapped with an exuberantly planted terrace perfect for nude sunbathing, barbecues, and according to Miz Dano it would be a nice spot to get married. Miz Dano and her green thumb are responsible for the over flowing greenery and the iron gazebo and presumably, decorating diva that she is, the ceramic urns and sundials.

Although it’s a bit of a pity there’s only 1 bedroom and 1 pooper here, as far as it goes, this is a lovely apartment and Your Mama would be perfectly happy here if we didn’t have the Dr. Cooter, two pooches and an angry pussy in tow. We love the long and generous foyer, we swoon over the windowed walk-in closet (since ours is, alas, windowless), and of course, the wrap terraces and views of the mighty Hudson are, for a city dweller, beyond desirable.

Property records show that Miz Dano and her late huzband also owned–and she continues to own–a couple of historic 18th century farmhouses in Washington, CT that according to her website they “dismantled, moved and re-erected them on 20 acres.” And according to Viva!, who seems to know all things Dano, Miz Dano also leases a lovely but modest apartment in the Century City area of Los Angeles.

Today Post::January Jones Snags a Fixer in Los Feliz

BUYER: January Jones
LOCATION: Ambrose Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,020,000
SIZE: 2,200 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Savor this sunny ’20s Mediterranean villa on one of Los Feliz’s most picturesque streets. Large rooms, high ceilings, French windows and doors lend a note of graciousness throughout. Full-width living room with fireplace; spacious dining room and kitchen; over-scale master bedroom suite plus 2 family bedrooms all on second floor. Landscaping to delight the avid gardener. Mostly flat lot affords play area too. Updated. Det. 2-car garage with long driveway.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back on the first of September, Mister Big Time ran one of his “Which Celebrity’s House Is This?” posts about a property in the Los Feliz area of Los Angeles, CA which had been sold for $1,020,000 in late July of 2009. Given the way the deed was filed, he suspected the property had been purchased by someone notable.

We soon received a covert communique from our practically omniscient informant Lucy Spillerguts who whispered in Your Mama’s big ear that the modest house located on pretty but not particularly fancy Ambrose Avenue was purchased by actress January Jones who, the children may recall, works her fine thing as the beautiful and neurotic yet cunning Betty Draper on Mad Men. Before Miss Jones landed her plum gig on Mad Men and got nominated for a Golden Globe, she starred in a number tee-vee programs (Law & Order) and movies (American Wedding, Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights) but was perhaps best known as a model who mixed it up with high profile men like Ashton Kutcher, Jim Carey, and Josh Groban.

Just as reported by Mister Big Time, property records indicate that Miss Jones paid $1,020,000 for the 1920s quasi-Mediterranean and listing information points out the house measures 2,200 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms and 2.5 poopers.

Now children, before y’all start tearing ruthlessly into the day-core, let’s keep in mind that Miss Jones did not buy the slip covered furniture, the silly, patterned plates hung willy-nilly on the walls in the kitchen or, thank jeezis, that deeply disturbing neon and corrugated metal monstrosity in the dining room. It’s hard for Your Mama to imagine that someone actually spent time and energy conceiving and making that hot mess, but they did. Your Mama would rather have a root canal than work on such a thing, but all things being fare, we’re pretty sure there are any number of people who are pretty sure the way we spend our spare and creative time is inexcusably without merit.

Anyhoo, “artwork” choices of the seller aside, looking strictly at the bones of Miss Jones’ new house and remembering that not every celebrity has the financial wherewithal or burning desire to live in a super slick crib above the Sunset Strip or a damn palace in Beverly Hills, it’s not hard for Your Mama to see that a smart architect and a nice, gay decorator could easily work out some of the kinks and tease out a sweet if undistinguished little house here.

The living room runs the full width of the house and has lovely wood floors, a stone fireplace, and a full wall of large windows that look to Your Mama’s untrained eye more Craftsman than Mediterranean. The blond wood floors continue into the decently sized dining room large enough accommodate a few friends for Thanksgiving dinner and once the kitchen and laundry room are reconfigured, remodeled, opened up to the back yard and perhaps even expanded, we’re sure it will no longer resemble the cheap ass kitchen in the dumpy domicile in which Your Mama and our finely feathered friend Sheila Sinn lived during the last days of our lackluster college career.

A detached two car garage sits at the back of the property begging for a second floor guest house to be tacked on to the top and the flat backyard pleads, “Please put me out of my misery and tear out all this brickwork and all these random plants and replace me with a swimming pool and some drought tolerant Jay Griffith gorgeousness.”

We’d bet almost everything we have that once Miss Jones and her peeps complete working over her new house we’ll see her lushly photographed lounging in her boo-dwar for the glossy pages of InStyle or some other publication that elevates pretty celebrities to deities who know all there is to know about romance, fashion and interior day-core. But that’s really another beef for another day, ain’t it children. Today we’ll refrain from getting up on our soap box and simply wish Miss Jones a happy new home and tell her to be sure to let Your Mama know if she needs the names a few few nice, gay decorators who can work her interiors like nobody’s bidness.

Today Post::Jason Kidd Gets a New Krib in the AZ

BUYER: Jason Kidd
LOCATION: N. Casa Blanca Drive, Paradise Valley, AZ
PRICE: $5,948,000
SIZE: 11,585 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 14 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: …Totally private and at last something completely different! This superb gated estate is approached through a long tree lined driveway hidden from the street. The courtyard is dominated by a magnificent statuary fountain complementing the grandeur of the entry. The quality & attention to detail is stunning. The study/library is beautifully wood paneled from ceiling to floor. Floors are alderwood & travertine. Master suite provides the ultimate in a luxurious hi! deaway. Oppulence abounds throughout from ceiling frescoes to crystal chandeliers-all lighting if of vintage quality. Sensational basement rec room & wet bar w/ sensational home theatre.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Way back on the third of September Your Mama heard from a dame named Desert Donna who snitched that a professional basketball player named Jason Kidd had snatched up a house in posh Paradise Valley, AZ for $5,948,000. As so many things do, the information went in one eyeball out the other until this morning when bright eyed, bushy tailed and booze free we cruised around our trusty laptop computer and found the little folder where we stuck all the 411 on Mister Kidd’s new Arizona krib.

Of course, Your Mama does not know a basketball from a drill bit so we took to the interweb in order to sort out who this Jason Kidd person is and to be able to speak on him with some authority, or at least accuracy. According to our research, Mister Kidd currently plays point guard–whatever that is–for a team called the Dallas Mavericks. He must be pretty damn good because in January of 2009 the powers that be at the Mavericks gave Mister Kidd a lucrative three year deal worth more than $25,000,000. That, chickens, is after a 6 year, $99,000,000 deal with the New Jersey Nets. Have mercy, children. Who knew you could make so much cheddar wearing gym clothes and bouncing a little orange ball on some glossy hardwood flooring? Anyhoo, Your Mama also discovered that while his professional life is on track, his personal life is a bit of a mess. Way back in 2001 Mister Kidd was busted for smacking around the Missus Kidd, a ladee named ! Joumana. The couple–who have three kidds–subsequently reconciled and later filed for dee-vorce amid salacious claims of adultery, domestic abuse and false domestic abuse claims. Isn’t love grand? Your Mama does not know nor do we care if Mister and Missus Kidd finalized their dee-vorce but we did figure out that Mister Kidd made a baby out of wedlock with a model-gurl who popped our Mister Kidd’s fourth kid in the fall of 2008. We do not know nor do we care what the status of that relationship is but if not Your Mama hopes he’s making his child support.

Property records agree with the information sent by Desert Donna that reveals Mister Kidd closed on the single story N. Casa Blanca Drive domicile in late August of 2009. Listing information we ferreted out indicates the Mediterranean manse sits on 1.9 acres and sprawls across 11,585 square feet that encompasses 6 bedrooms and an astonishing 14 poopers. Either Mister Kidd’s new baby momma is going to be beaver bizzy changing diapers and cleaning terlits day in and day out or the professional dribbler will need a full time minimum wage gurl whose sole responsibility will be to scrub and polish poopers.

Approached down a long, tree-lined and ruler straight driveway that terminates in a motor court that circles around what listing information calls a, “magnificent statuary fountain,” the main house is entered through a heavily carved stone doorway with twisty columns. The entry spills directly into the voluminous living room with a barrel vaulted ceiling with a ceiling fresco, a carved stone mantel and a wall of windows that open to the rear courtyard and swimming pool. A long, spine-like colonnade with a travertine floor bisects the entrance hall and connects the family rooms at one of the house with the private quarters at the other. In between are the public rooms that in addition to the formal living room include a paneled den/office, a dining room with a wood beamed ceiling, fireplace and a Hyundai-sized crystal chandelier that is, according to listing information, “of vintage quality,” whatever that is.

The kitchen, while well appointed with every appliance and accoutrement a cook could desire, also has a cacophony of ceiling heights and types that includes plaster, wood beams and a soaring, frescoed groin vault in the breakfast room with yet another “vintage quality” chandelier. Other rooms, according to listing information include a 600 square foot family room with a stone fireplace, a private theater with elevated seating, coffered ceiling and some of the ugliest black and brown wallpaper Your Mama has had the displeasure of laying eyeballs on in a very long time.

In addition to the family bedrooms there is a 40 foot long master suite with a step-down sitting area with fireplace and a wood floored sleeping area separated by a foursome of squat columns. As best as we can tell, the master suite includes dual poopers and dressing rooms. One of the bathrooms is all tile, travertine and (more) squat columns while the other dressing room and pooper have a much more men’s clubby vibe with a forest’s worth of paneling and mill work.

Other amenities of Mister Kidd’s Krib include a basement rec room with a wet bar, garaging for at least 8 automobiles plus room for a damn recreational vehicle, at least six fireplaces, a 4 room guest cottage that measures a generous 1,660 square feet, a 3 room caretakers cottage, an exercise room with sauna, a gazebo, children’s play are, a swimming pool and spa lined with palm trees, a built in bbq area, and a tennis court with a viewing ramada. A viewing ramada? What the hell is that? Who makes these things up? According to listing information the home’s electronic gadgetry includes a central vacuum system, a soft water loop, a drinking water filtration system, and a serious security system. The entire house, including the fireplaces, fountains, lights and security are Crestron and Lutron controlled which means Mister Kidd can flip on the fountain in the motor c! ourt, open the drapes in the living room and start a movie in the theater all while laying in bed.

According to property records, Mister (and Missus) Kidd’s real estate portfolio also includes (but is not limited to) an 11,952 square foot manse in swanky Saddle River, NJ, a 1,350 square foot condo in Foster City, CA, a 2,170 square foot house in Granada Hills, CA, and another condo in Dallas, TX that measures 2,476 square feet.